gauze's website

      hi, i envy you. you've unexpectedly eaten "truffle"! i've never heard of "truffle" before. so i especially check the information about "truffle" online. now i just get to know that it's rather a delicious and precious food, as one of the 3 first-class ingredients in the famous french cuisine (the 2 other ingredients are goose liver and caviar) whose price is equal to the gold, even the diamond. oh, my god, so interesting. in our world, there's unexpectedly the existence of such an expensive food! i have asked several webfriends about "truffle", they all didn't hear of what "truffle" was just as me! one webfriend said that maybe truffle was a sort of chocolate.
    and it's said that my so-called truffle chocolate i‘m buying  online is only in the same shape as the real "truffle", without an iota of the real "truffle". and i try to search the "truffle" on the ebay.com, only finding some truffle powder or truffle oil. i envy you so much. you must eat them when you were wealthy before,ok? i guess the common people have no money and chance to eat or taste the real "truffle".
    no need to bring the "truffle" when you go to china. just to bring yourself is the best present for me!
    now do you know what i am thinking? i just think what a comfortable life you have experienced before.
     yeah, of course, there're the chinese women in usa, just as there're a lot of   chinese women in malaysia. but they're not the real "chinese" women. they don't live under the modern chinese society policy although they can also speak the same chinese, and have the same black eyes, and yellow skins, etc. they're absolutely not the real "chinese" women. i dare say that most of them are very ignorant about the real china as much as you--american. most of them just followed their elder generations to leave china many years ago or were born in other countries directly. just as you, your father is from scotland, but you are not familiar to scotland, so you're absolutely not a scotch.
but it seems that the western foreigners always call those ethnic chinese(i.e. the foreign citizens of chinese origin) as "chinese". no, it's a big mistake. if i didn't go to malaysia last year, maybe i can also agree with this "title". but when i was in malaysia, i could find a lot of chinese faces speaking the same chinese here and there. but they're just the malaysian chinese born in malaysia, instead of us---the pure chinese. and those local malaysians also asked us if we just came from 'china". in their mind, we are only the pure chinese. i also feel so curious about those malaysia chinese. since their older, older generations had left china so many many years before , why their later generations still hold the chinese language in malaysia now?
      and i remember you told me that your mother's parents were just from italy, and your mother can speak italian, but you only speak english. so strange, those malaysian chinese still keep the chinese as their mother language till now. oh, i really envy those ethnic chinese very very much. for example, in malaysia, those common malaysian chinese can unexpectedly 3 languages at same time: chinese, malaysian, english. oh, my god, they're all the excellent translators! but in china, people can speak english are very very few, so i always repeatedly highlight that having a good command of english is just a symbol of good education, a passport leading to the outside world, meaning a lot of chances and wealth.(of course, the foreigners speaking english can be very popular, getting the job in china easily by teaching english as long as you have the enough courage to come to china.)
     however, those western foreigners always call us and malaysian chinese or HK chinese or american chinese as the common "chinese". you can't distinguish us! you only feel there're a lot of chinese speaking english well in the world. but you never notice if they're the mainland chinese as me or other chinese. you just notice if they have the same chinese face.
     by the way, the present american embassador in china also has a chinese face, named luo jia hui. sorry, i don't know what his english name is. he is just an american chinese. but he can't speak any mandanrin, of course, he still remembers some chinese dialects of his grandfather's hometown. however, there're a lot of different dialects in china. his grandfather's dialect is very very different from our mandarin--the official chinese. so even he has a chinese face, in china, he must communicate with chinese people in english. oh, it's so funny, ok? you must have heard of the so-called "mandarin" and "cantonese", although they both belong to chinese. but they're very different. even if i'm a "pure" chinese, i can't follow any "cantonese",too. on the contrary, some overseas chinese can speak "cantonese" very well. the pure chinese just speak "mandarin"!
      oh, i guess my clumsy explanation must make you feel more puzzled about chinese.
      all in all, don't mingle me with other overseas chinese. we're completely different people.

love,
gina

dear gina,
     oh, please don't envy me because of truffles. honestly, they are not so wonderful. also, they are not so expensive here. even making the little money i make now, i could still buy them, but i don't. maybe i just haven't had a real truffle. when i was making very good money, i still didn't care for them. there are so many different kinds of chocolate and candy here that are very good.
     also, i am aware of the true chinese. i think it is because my father is from scotland and my mothers' family from italy that i learned a long time ago that only the people who grew up in a country and its culture can truly appreciate their country. that is part of the reason why i was so glad to meet you. i could read articles all the time about china, and i could visit all the wonderful tourist places in china, but i know that they are not the real china. i wanted to learn about what china is really like by talking with a real chinese person. you must also remember that it is the same with america. you see and hear about the wonderful america, but stories are exaggerated to make it sound so much more grand than it really is. i don't know if you are aware of the countries of iceland and greenland. the vikings, who roamed the northern atlantic had found the two countries. they loved iceland because of it's beauty, but were afraid that people would rush to it, so they named it iceland, trying to make it sound awful. they decided to name another country which was frozen and hostile greenland, for the reason that they hoped people would go there instead.
   see, by us becoming friends, we are able to learn the truth of the countries of our dreams. don't get me wrong, i love my country, and can't wait for you to come and see it and experience it for yourself. i also can't wait to come to china and get to experience it for myself. i don't want to take a guided tour with a travel agency, but walk hand in hand with you as you show me your beautiful land. this is why we must become rich, so we can have the time and money necessary to fully experience our dream together. we would travel around both countries and learn about them together.
     i also know about mandarin and cantonese. do you remember i had asked you which type of chinese i should try to teach myself? you told me i need to learn mandarin. you also told me that i should not try to teach myself because of the tones used in the language. i have listened to you. that is why i will wait for you to teach me the correct way to speak mandarin. i do not want to say something, only to find i pronounced it wrong and insulted a person.
      you say that you envy me, but you must realize that i envy you, too. but i know that we will be together and be able to learn from each other, and then neither of us will envy the other. we will become one, sharing in all things, growing closer as each each day passes. it will happen. i know it will, and i am working each day towards that goal, to the day when i can look into your beautiful eyes and see your lovely smile...

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my dearest,  

     hi, in fact, i can't believe in what you said completely. for you, going to china is just as easy as my going to malaysia. if you really want to help me, you have been to china for me earlier.
     yeah, i know what you're feeling in your heart.    after all,  you should have been somewhat perturbed and maybe you're asking  yourself if it was worth having such a big risk to go to china for only marrying a web-lover. i don't want to blame on you on this point.    just as this classical sentence in the "jane eyre":  the rememberance of the wide ocean---caste, custom, wealth--interfered between me and what i naturely and inevitably loved struck cold to my heart!
     but it's still a glorious thing to have the hope of living with you in the future.  
    i remember you always want to tell your younger son who was spoilded by his mother how hard it is to make a living for parents! now i have a lot of examples. i never told you what my life was like before i got the present job--being a clerk in the government department in details,ok?  just let me turn back to more than 10 years ago,  i was a naive girl just reached 20 years,  graduated from a third-class college majoring in the business marketing, it's the time for me to enter the society to earn my own living. pitifully i failed to get any job suitable for me.  at that memont, i was crazy about reciting in mandarin as much as now i am infatuated with MLM culture, if only i could be a celebrated braodcaster in radio or TV programme! so i felt any other jobs couldn't satisfy me.(god knows i unexpectedly gave up learning the broadcast major in the famous communication university of china, which was just a sacred art palace too high to reach in my mind  at those times  after passing the admission test  several years later, because of failing to afford the expensive tuition.) i was once assigned to be a superstore girl in anyang city, but the manager  told me the monthly payment was only 260 chinese yuan at that time. (oh, 260 chinese yuan is no more than 40 dollar.) my god, at any rate, i have also been a college student in the capital city--zhengzhou in our  henan province. it's too unfair.  i hated such a kind of job and resigned after half a month.  but  nobody could took pity on you. they just thought it was good enough for me--a girl from the countryside to come into the city, getting a permanent urban residence certificate.  it seemed that my diploma was just for an exchange of a urban residence certificate. so funny.
it's very difficult to describe the real chinese policy in english for me. (of course, now the policy is somewhat different from what it was.) at that time, there were 2 main classes---rural people and urban people in the chinese society. and urban people is always higher than rural people. now i finally become an urban person, getting rid of my status of being a villager.  but shortly after, i found such a truth that it's very hard to lead a decent life in the city due to lack of the decent job. ( i understand why in usa, many parents must work very hard to support the family. even if you have a noble american citizenship, it doesn't mean you can have a comfortable life.)
so i began to desire to pursue the higher diploma in order to get a decent job in the city. in china, if you want to get the higher diploma, english is an important subject you must pass! unforturnately my family was facing the serious financial difficulties because my father was in the debts(i can tell you about it later.) it means it's absolutely impossible for me to continue my studies. then i got a chance to be a temporary teacher in the countryside by teaching english in the junior middle school. and what a coincidence! my monthly payment was also 260 chinese yuan. but i still felt so gratified since i have experienced  a lot of humble jobs in the city such as selling the stock newspaper in the street, being an apprentice of tailor,etc.  i have tasted  the pitiless cruelty of the real life to the fullest extent.    after all, being a teacher is a decent job,ok?  on the other hard, i also had a secret wish that  i could prepare for my future english exam by teaching english. however, you never know how we just teach in the junior middle school.  you never thought it had unexpectedly taken me more than a month by only teaching the students how to read and write 26 english letters, evidently, which couldn't be of much help to my aim of improving english.
what's worse, the living circumstance in the countryside school was very very aweful.  i have written about it before. (since i was born a small town, instead of the mountain village. i never know the living condition in the village was so terrible.) "i i just lived in a remote village school without any chance to contact with the outside world in my early 20's. at that time, i don't know what the mobile phone is, i don't even know the presence of computer/internet! i haven't anything. i still remember those nights dancing with so many big mice since i must sleep in that very old adobe room with a broken roof and leaking walls, it was just my dwelling place the schoolmaster arranged for me.   in summer, there came a great swarm of lies; in winter,i could see rats running cross my quilt.worse still, the people around me were all so cold-blooded and detached. oh, my god, the feeling of poorness both in spirit and material is unexpectedly is so intolerable. " and those formal countryside teachers, though whose diploma  were lower than me also looked down on me also look down on me, refusing to consider me as a marriage partner although i was very young at that time. (oh, in china, the formal teacher is a lifelong job, affiliated to the government department,too.) ( and i understand why your ex-wife left you when your professional license was suspended, you had no way to hold your previous good position, declining to be a blue collar.    i guess in usa, it's the same case,  the class and status are also strictly divided just like china.)
such a life lasted 2 years, i made up my mind to leave the countryside. and i went to the capital--zhengzhou city again, and rented a little room outside near the zhengzhou university--the best college in our province.  since this time i wasn't an enrolled student by passing the entrance exam, i couldn't be allowed to enter the the classroom without paying any tuition fees. but we could still borrow the common big classroom to learn in the university.  of course, if luckily enough, sometimes we can be like the thieves to slip into the english classes which were  just taught by the foreign teachers from USA.  but most of the time we were just driven out the class by the school inspectors. (oh, i also need to explain something about our chinese college system later.) i still remember there's a young american english teacher asked me curiously for what i came here. till now i still clearly remember there's a young american english teacher who asked me curiously for what i came here. i became so embarrassed and flushed immediately.  because she must find i was just a new face, instead of a regular student. and my english listenning comprehesion was so broken that she must repeat her question several times. finally i undertood what she said, i just uttered in a low and timid voice a word "study". thus she left me.
i took the exam of post-graduated entrance exam majoring in the modern and contempory literature  later by the means of teaching myself and occassionally learning stealthily in the english classroom, pitifully i failed. strangely i didn't  feel too sad and disappointed.  due to my registation under the background of interdiscipline, the exam difficulty is imaginable.   just as a sentence: the success is sweeter and the failure less bitter when you know you gave everything you had. because i  had really tried my best.  soon later, i accepted a help from one of my relatives who was just a senior officer luckily.  my wandering,struggling and penniless life, just like a beggar finally came to an end. but i still regret for my english which i have paid so much. just to imagine if i passed the exam at that time, now what a decent life i can own! i'll be an honorable scholor with the wonderful salary. maybe someday i can get the chance to go to usa, getting the green card by myself. no need to expect a marriage to an american like now. because we all know, usa is a country which attracts and accepts a lot of intelligent people, irrespective of the color, the country, the background, etc.
i pray the god can hear the cry from the bottom of my heart. i have really taken great pains to learn english in order to realize my dream in such difficult economical conditions.
now, dear, you're just like my god. you can help me if you really make up your mind! i sincerely entreat you to help me again, accepting me as your equal, your wife as soon as possible. and i love you, not only because you're an american, but you're also an intelligent, learned person.

my dearest,  

     hi, in fact, i can't believe in what you said completely. for you, going to china is just as easy as my going to malaysia. if you really want to help me, you have been to china for me earlier.
     yeah, i know what you're feeling in your heart.    after all,  you should have been somewhat perturbed and maybe you're asking  yourself if it was worth having such a big risk to go to china for only marrying a web-lover. i don't want to blame on you on this point.    just as this classical sentence in the "jane eyre":  the rememberance of the wide ocean---caste, custom, wealth--interfered between me and what i naturely and inevitably loved struck cold to my heart!
     but it's still a glorious thing to have the hope of living with you in the future.  
    i remember you always want to tell your younger son who was spoilded by his mother how hard it is to make a living for parents! now i have a lot of examples. i never told you what my life was like before i got the present job--being a clerk in the government department in details,ok?  just let me turn back to more than 10 years ago,  i was a naive girl just reached 20 years,  graduated from a third-class college majoring in the business marketing, it's the time for me to enter the society to earn my own living. pitifully i failed to get any job suitable for me. i was once assigned to be a superstore girl in anyang city, but the manager  told me the monthly payment was only 260 chinese yuan at that time. (oh, 260 chinese yuan is no more than 40 dollar.) my god, at any rate, i have also been a college student in the capital city--zhengzhou in our  henan province. it's too unfair.  i hated such a kind of job and resigned after half a month.  but  nobody could took pity on you. they just thought it was good enough for me--a girl from the countryside to come into the city, getting a permanent urban residence certificate.  it seemed that my diploma was just for an exchange of a urban residence certificate. so funny.
it's very difficult to describe the real chinese policy in english for me. (of course, now the policy is somewhat different from what it was.) at that time, there were 2 main classes---rural people and urban people in the chinese society. and urban people is always higher than rural people. now i finally become an urban person, getting rid of my status of being a villager.  but shortly after, i found such a truth that it's very hard to lead a decent life in the city due to lack of the decent job. ( i understand why in usa, many parents must work very hard to support the family. even if you have a noble american citizenship, it doesn't mean you can have a comfortable life.)
so i began to desire to pursue the higher diploma in order to get a decent job in the city. in china, if you want to get the higher diploma, english is an important subject you must pass! unforturnately my family was facing the serious financial difficulties because my father was in the debts(i can tell you about it later.) it means it's absolutely impossible for me to continue my studies. then i got a chance to be a temporary teacher in the countryside by teaching english in the junior middle school. and what a coincidence! my monthly payment was also 260 chinese yuan. but i still felt so gratified since i have experienced  a lot of humble jobs in the city such as selling the stock newspaper in the street, being an apprentice of tailor,etc.  i have tasted  the pitiless cruelty of the real life to the fullest extent.    after all, being a teacher is a decent job,ok?  on the other hard, i also had a secret wish that  i could prepare for my future english exam by teaching english. however, you never know how we just teach in the junior middle school.  you never thought it had unexpectedly taken me more than a month by only teaching the students how to read and write 26 english letters, evidently, which couldn't be of much help to my aim of improving english.
what's worse, the living circumstance in the countryside school was very very aweful.  i have written about it before. (since i was born a small town, instead of the mountain village. i never know the living condition in the village was so terrible.) "i i just lived in a remote village school without any chance to contact with the outside world in my early 20's. at that time, i don't know what the mobile phone is, i don't even know the presence of computer/internet! i haven't anything. i still remember those nights dancing with so many big mice since i must sleep in that very old adobe room with a broken roof and leaking walls, it was just my dwelling place the schoolmaster arranged for me.   in summer, there came a great swarm of lies; in winter,i could see rats running cross my quilt.worse still, the people around me were all so cold-blooded and detached. oh, my god, the feeling of poorness both in spirit and material is unexpectedly is so intolerable. " and those formal countryside teachers also look down on me, refusing to consider me as a marriage partner although i was very young at that time. (oh, in china, the formal teacher is a lifelong job, affiliated to the government department,too.) ( and i understand why your ex-wife left you when your professional license was suspended, you had no way to hold your previous good position, declining to be a blue collar.    i guess in usa, it's the same case,  the class and status are also strictly divided just like china.)
such a life lasted 2 years, i made up my mind to leave the countryside. and i went to the capital--zhengzhou city again, and rented a little room outside near the zhengzhou university--the best college in our province.  since this time i wasn't an enrolled student by passing the entrance exam, i couldn't be allowed to enter the the classroom without paying any tuition fees. but we could still borrow the common big classroom to learn in the university.  of course, if luckily enough, sometimes we can be like the thieves to slip into the english classes which were  just taught by the foreign teachers from USA.  but most of the time we were just driven out the class by the school inspectors. (oh, i also need to explain something about our chinese college system later.) i still remember there's a young american english teacher asked me curiously for what i came here. till now i still clearly remember there's a young american english teacher who asked me curiously for what i came here. i became so embarrassed and flushed immediately.  because she must find i was just a new face, instead of a regular student. and my english listenning comprehesion was so broken that she must repeat her question several times. finally i undertood what she said, i just uttered in a low and timid voice a word "study". thus she left me.
i took the exam of post-graduated entrance exam later by the means of teaching myself and occassionally learning stealthily in the english classroom, pitifully i failed. strangely i didn't  feel too sad and disappointed.   just as a sentence: the success is sweeter and the failure less bitter when you know you gave everything you had. because i  had really tried my best.  soon later, i accepted a help from one of my relatives who was just a senior officer luckily.  my wandering,struggling and penniless life, just like a beggar finally came to an end. but i still regret for my english which i have paid so much. just to imagine if i passed the exam at that time, now what a decent life i can own! i'll be an honorable scholor with the wonderful salary. maybe someday i can get the chance to go to usa, getting the green card by myself. no need to expect a marriage to an american like now. because we all know, usa is a country which attracts and accepts a lot of intelligent people, irrespective of the color, the country, the background, etc.
i pray the god can hear the cry from the bottom of my heart. i have really taken great pains to learn english in order to realize my dream in such difficult economical conditions.
now, dear, you're just like my god. you can help me if you really make up your mind! i sincerely entreat you to help me again, accepting me as your equal, your wife as soon as possible. and i love you, not only because you're an american, but you're also an intelligent, learned person.

i was born in the country in china. for me, internet and MLM culture are absolutely the 2 miracles in my life,which i know will be meant to help my dream come true.
i'm a big dreamer all along! even if i i just lived in a remote mountain village without any chance to contact with the outside world in my early 20's. at that time, i don't know what the mobile phone is, i don't even know the presence of computer/internet! i haven't anything. i still remember those nights dancing with so many big mice since i must sleep in that very old adobe room with a broken roof and leaking walls. in summer, there came a great swarm of lies; in winter,i could see rats running cross my quilt.worse still, the people around me were all so cold-blooded and detached. oh, my god, the feeling of poorness both in spirit and material is unexpectedly so terrible. however, nothing can prevent me from dreaming.
i dream someday i can travel all over the world, i dream someday i can meet my knight in shining armor, i dream someday i can wear the most precious jewelry, living as a princess. i even dream i can be famous someday! i am always laughed at for being a person who hits her wagon to a star.
so in whatever situation, i insist in not giving up my dream. even if i am tortured to death by the poorness, loneliness, invisible spritual shackles,etc.
but, once a time, i really wanted to end my life because i really could't find any hopes and prospects in the future.my ex-boyfriend betrayed and ruined my scared love cruelly,leaving me in the abyss of despair. you know, for most of chinese women, family is just their only religious belief!
in that very hour, MLM is like a beam of the sunshine, opening a brand-new world for me, where everyone is so friendly and passionate!
In this big family, there is "always the first place to help others" values, "a world, a team, a dream!" oh, i'm just like that little overjoyed surf singing in the boundless sea full of love. my dreams have been sublimated and merged into this great brand-new internet era!
i'm so proud of being a member of creating the new human historical chapter!
and luckily enough, i have also met a priceless treasure online--my great helper, my real prince from usa who named me gina,since i'm originally a countryside girl!
welcome to my online store: http://ginafraser.taobao.com as well as my personal blogs http://cangzhuo.blogbus.com
http://lotustep.blogbus.com
http://excaliber.blogbus.com/
http://ginaguo.yolasite.com
http://gauze.yolasite.com
http://expertscolumn.com/content/associated-photo

thank you all!