my american webfriend told me that recently he was working on a little problems.  because one of his flatmates  had moved out,    he needed find other people to move into the house he lived in to share the bills as soon as possible, otherwise, he also had to consider to move house, since he had not enough money to afford the rent.   luckily enough,  he had been given the offer to move into someone's house and live there because the houseowner would be traveling a lot and only be home 1 week every month.  however, he had a lot of concerns about  his  another flatmate---an old grandmother who lived  with them. he  needed to see what the older woman thought. he wanted to make sure she had a place to live if he left. 
       at the same time, his daughter also asked him for 2,000 dollar to help pay for her wedding, she would need it next summer. he felt so embarrassed, he didn't want to give her the money. since he just struggled to save such a sum of money for the trip to china for me----we have met each other online for almost 4 years, (you can say, he is just my american web boyfriend, also a divorced father)---and he finally promised me that he would be there to meet me in reality this summer.  but now the question is that she is also his only daughter and needs  his help, how should he do? how can he have no heart to turn down her request?

     above is the content of his email  to you.

      oh, it's really the  distress of  poor people like us!  i know my american webfriend is such a kindhearted person. he even cares where that old grandmother will go if  he moves into other house. no doubt,  she absolutely expects him to stay in the present house. living with him, he has been her great helper, such as driving the car to send her to hospital,etc.  especially the old people always come down with illness more easily, they need to look after.  

   yeah, still such is the poor people living in usa---the most developed country in the world, what about the poor people living in china--the developing country?  i understand the hardships of living in a rented house more than anyone, because i'm also such a  poor tenant.  just today i get the message from the landlord saying the rent price will increase a lot.  since my rent is due, i have not  time to find the other house to rent at all.  what's more, it's so difficult to find a proper house for a single person in my place. because in the traditional chinese society/culture, marriage is a must.  so there're just very few  smaller-sized house/flat to lent for single people. due to the relation between market supply and demand,  the ferocious and greedy landlords  can increase the monopolized price endlessly  as they like. yeah, i guess it's also one of the roots of polarization of the rich and the poor.
   more pitifully, i also can't find the proper people to share a big house.  i have not any good friend. of course, if i can, i will marry that one.  my god,   in chinese society,  i can't imagine any more god-forsaken existence than the life of a single woman!  i feel so sad and helpless. if i keep on being single, i don't know how i will live in the future!  the rent has gobbled up most of my salary. and i'm afraid that i will really have no room to stand on my feet in china someday, not  to mention to have the savings.  it's just in so cruel and miserable a situation to be an independent single woman in china!  the chinese population is too large, china is too crowded!!! why most of chinese women must marry only for survival, not for love and happiness? it just results in the vicious cycle of poverty, giving birth to more children, living badly like the humble animals! but see what a heavy price i'm paying for refusing to make a marriage without love,fighting against this kind of chinese marriage culture/system!

      and i just gave a call to my younger sister, telling her about my difficulty that the house rent was increasing so much. she was becoming so worried about my future,too. she told me that i should prepare for the worst. if nobody would like to come to  marry me, i should learn to pinch every penny for buying my own house! i must change my usual improvidence.  but how can i save my own house with such a little income? and i know even if all the savings of my parents will be run out due to me, it's also not far enough to buy a house.  oh, how i wish my parents can have a happy life in old years. oh, i really want to cry!  

     of course, being a father,  my american webfriend  should try his best to pay some money for his daughter's wedding.  after all, marriage is so important for everyone, especially for woman. his daughter will be a beautiful happy young bride. i remember there's a chinese female movie star saying, if the life is bound to be wasted, i'd rather choose to waste it in love! (oh, sorry, i don't think i can translate this sentence exactly. ) oh, it's just my state, i have wasted my whole youth for waiting for the love and marriage! many times, i think why i insist in keeping on being single, why i am so silly to wait for the love, bearing the poorness and helplessness. i have no answer. i really have no answer.

        on the other hand, my younger sister  is the "financial manager" of my whole family, although she is youngest, 11 years younger than me, she is good at careful calculation and strict budgeting and most  considerate.      she is also helping my younger brother to select a new girlfriend whom she likes a lot --a young excellent doctor owning a high diploma in her working hospital. you know now my younger brother is just unlawfully living with a  divorced bad jobless woman older than him,(even having a son with her ex-husband,too) in the house which my parents bought for him to marry, and that woman is very arrogant and unfriendly to us all, except my younger brother, acting rudely just as if she was the real hostess, we siblings as well as our parents all should flatter her, which makes my parents very sad and suffering. several times,the strong arguements broke out between my family and my younger brother. my mother is so brokenhearted, even not letting my younger brother go back home to see her during the chinese spring festival. god knows that he is the only son of my parents, he is just a handsome and noble prince in my whole family's eyes! he absolutely deserves a good match! ( pitifully just like me, lack of wealth and good social status/connections bring to us poor marriage prospects. ) however, we also can't complain my younger brother too much. we all clearly know such a truth that my younger brother remained a virgin body until 30 years,too. it's just that woman with a lot of sex experiences and techniques who enticed him to make love with her, beginning to enjoy the sex life. don't forget, we're all the common people with the common desires. maybe we're just mortals, although we're expected that we can be saints.  

      my dear american webfriend, have you heard of  my cry from the bottom of my heart?   how i wish you can come to china not only for me, but also for my younger brother! if that young female doctor knows that my younger brother has a sister whose boyfriend/husband is an american, from the most developed country in the world,  she must agree to marry my brother. it will also improve my brother's social status/connection.

     thank godness, it's the next summer that your daughter will hold a wedding, instead of this summer. otherwise, you will really have no way to go to china for me! yeah, i don't worry about it. i believe there must have a way for you to save 2,000 dollar for your daughter till next summer! so i beg you again, no matter what happens, please keep your promise to china for me this summer, let's see each other in reality at first! what you need is only the visa and air-ticket. when you go to china, i'll arrange for all things for you. because i'm just the person in this world who needs you most now!!! i really love you so deeply!(otherwise, i'll die. of course, just a kidding! if you really also love me, you won't allow me to die. if you don't love me at all, it's no necessary to die for you! it's my love declaration! )


i don't know what kind of power supports me to fight against the marriage without love. maybe it's because i feel there're too many people in china, living like an ant, dying also like an ant!
i respect the marriage so much. because i respect the life itself so much. marriage can give birth to the new life.
i like this sentence: if the life is bound to be wasted, i'd rather choose to waste in love. it's my religion!

my webfriend: it is a beautiful sentence. but only in literature. in real life, can you think it will be practical... it will be called madness by common people..
me:        i c. i want to be a mad person.      maybe it's because i feel there're too many people in china, living like an ant, dying also like an ant!
they give birth to many children, but never take good care of them.
my webfriend:  that condition is not only in china, in many other countries also.. including india..
for a woman, if she never gives birth to the new child, it means that her life has been wasted.
but i'd rather choose to waste my life, waste my instinct of being a mother.