my dearest,  

     hi, in fact, i can't believe in what you said completely. for you, going to china is just as easy as my going to malaysia. if you really want to help me, you have been to china for me earlier.
     yeah, i know what you're feeling in your heart.    after all,  you should have been somewhat perturbed and maybe you're asking  yourself if it was worth having such a big risk to go to china for only marrying a web-lover. i don't want to blame on you on this point.    just as this classical sentence in the "jane eyre":  the rememberance of the wide ocean---caste, custom, wealth--interfered between me and what i naturely and inevitably loved struck cold to my heart!
     but it's still a glorious thing to have the hope of living with you in the future.  
    i remember you always want to tell your younger son who was spoilded by his mother how hard it is to make a living for parents! now i have a lot of examples. i never told you what my life was like before i got the present job--being a clerk in the government department in details,ok?  just let me turn back to more than 10 years ago,  i was a naive girl just reached 20 years,  graduated from a third-class college majoring in the business marketing, it's the time for me to enter the society to earn my own living. pitifully i failed to get any job suitable for me.  at that memont, i was crazy about reciting in mandarin as much as now i am infatuated with MLM culture, if only i could be a celebrated braodcaster in radio or TV programme! so i felt any other jobs couldn't satisfy me.(god knows i unexpectedly gave up learning the broadcast major in the famous communication university of china, which was just a sacred art palace too high to reach in my mind  at those times  after passing the admission test  several years later, because of failing to afford the expensive tuition.) i was once assigned to be a superstore girl in anyang city, but the manager  told me the monthly payment was only 260 chinese yuan at that time. (oh, 260 chinese yuan is no more than 40 dollar.) my god, at any rate, i have also been a college student in the capital city--zhengzhou in our  henan province. it's too unfair.  i hated such a kind of job and resigned after half a month.  but  nobody could took pity on you. they just thought it was good enough for me--a girl from the countryside to come into the city, getting a permanent urban residence certificate.  it seemed that my diploma was just for an exchange of a urban residence certificate. so funny.
it's very difficult to describe the real chinese policy in english for me. (of course, now the policy is somewhat different from what it was.) at that time, there were 2 main classes---rural people and urban people in the chinese society. and urban people is always higher than rural people. now i finally become an urban person, getting rid of my status of being a villager.  but shortly after, i found such a truth that it's very hard to lead a decent life in the city due to lack of the decent job. ( i understand why in usa, many parents must work very hard to support the family. even if you have a noble american citizenship, it doesn't mean you can have a comfortable life.)
so i began to desire to pursue the higher diploma in order to get a decent job in the city. in china, if you want to get the higher diploma, english is an important subject you must pass! unforturnately my family was facing the serious financial difficulties because my father was in the debts(i can tell you about it later.) it means it's absolutely impossible for me to continue my studies. then i got a chance to be a temporary teacher in the countryside by teaching english in the junior middle school. and what a coincidence! my monthly payment was also 260 chinese yuan. but i still felt so gratified since i have experienced  a lot of humble jobs in the city such as selling the stock newspaper in the street, being an apprentice of tailor,etc.  i have tasted  the pitiless cruelty of the real life to the fullest extent.    after all, being a teacher is a decent job,ok?  on the other hard, i also had a secret wish that  i could prepare for my future english exam by teaching english. however, you never know how we just teach in the junior middle school.  you never thought it had unexpectedly taken me more than a month by only teaching the students how to read and write 26 english letters, evidently, which couldn't be of much help to my aim of improving english.
what's worse, the living circumstance in the countryside school was very very aweful.  i have written about it before. (since i was born a small town, instead of the mountain village. i never know the living condition in the village was so terrible.) "i i just lived in a remote village school without any chance to contact with the outside world in my early 20's. at that time, i don't know what the mobile phone is, i don't even know the presence of computer/internet! i haven't anything. i still remember those nights dancing with so many big mice since i must sleep in that very old adobe room with a broken roof and leaking walls, it was just my dwelling place the schoolmaster arranged for me.   in summer, there came a great swarm of lies; in winter,i could see rats running cross my quilt.worse still, the people around me were all so cold-blooded and detached. oh, my god, the feeling of poorness both in spirit and material is unexpectedly is so intolerable. " and those formal countryside teachers, though whose diploma  were lower than me also looked down on me also look down on me, refusing to consider me as a marriage partner although i was very young at that time. (oh, in china, the formal teacher is a lifelong job, affiliated to the government department,too.) ( and i understand why your ex-wife left you when your professional license was suspended, you had no way to hold your previous good position, declining to be a blue collar.    i guess in usa, it's the same case,  the class and status are also strictly divided just like china.)
such a life lasted 2 years, i made up my mind to leave the countryside. and i went to the capital--zhengzhou city again, and rented a little room outside near the zhengzhou university--the best college in our province.  since this time i wasn't an enrolled student by passing the entrance exam, i couldn't be allowed to enter the the classroom without paying any tuition fees. but we could still borrow the common big classroom to learn in the university.  of course, if luckily enough, sometimes we can be like the thieves to slip into the english classes which were  just taught by the foreign teachers from USA.  but most of the time we were just driven out the class by the school inspectors. (oh, i also need to explain something about our chinese college system later.) i still remember there's a young american english teacher asked me curiously for what i came here. till now i still clearly remember there's a young american english teacher who asked me curiously for what i came here. i became so embarrassed and flushed immediately.  because she must find i was just a new face, instead of a regular student. and my english listenning comprehesion was so broken that she must repeat her question several times. finally i undertood what she said, i just uttered in a low and timid voice a word "study". thus she left me.
i took the exam of post-graduated entrance exam majoring in the modern and contempory literature  later by the means of teaching myself and occassionally learning stealthily in the english classroom, pitifully i failed. strangely i didn't  feel too sad and disappointed.  due to my registation under the background of interdiscipline, the exam difficulty is imaginable.   just as a sentence: the success is sweeter and the failure less bitter when you know you gave everything you had. because i  had really tried my best.  soon later, i accepted a help from one of my relatives who was just a senior officer luckily.  my wandering,struggling and penniless life, just like a beggar finally came to an end. but i still regret for my english which i have paid so much. just to imagine if i passed the exam at that time, now what a decent life i can own! i'll be an honorable scholor with the wonderful salary. maybe someday i can get the chance to go to usa, getting the green card by myself. no need to expect a marriage to an american like now. because we all know, usa is a country which attracts and accepts a lot of intelligent people, irrespective of the color, the country, the background, etc.
i pray the god can hear the cry from the bottom of my heart. i have really taken great pains to learn english in order to realize my dream in such difficult economical conditions.
now, dear, you're just like my god. you can help me if you really make up your mind! i sincerely entreat you to help me again, accepting me as your equal, your wife as soon as possible. and i love you, not only because you're an american, but you're also an intelligent, learned person.